Story 126: Reza Shadey and the Resolution Revolution
Okay, snuggle down tight, little ones. Let me tell you a tale about a snowy garden, a very strict schedule, and a biscuit rule that only Reza Shadey could invent...
On the first morning of the New Year, Reza Shadey sat upright on the back of the sofa, his chest fluffed, his whiskers arranged just so, and his tail curved into what he believed was a position of authority. He looked exactly like a cat who felt the year itself should be checking in with him before proceeding.
Outside, the garden lay under a soft, sparkling blanket of snow. The lawn glittered. The bird table looked like a tiny iced cake. Even the shed seemed to be holding its breath.
Inside, Mrs Higgins was making tea.
BBC Radio 4 murmured gently from the kitchen. It never stopped murmuring. Even when no one seemed to be talking, someone was always just about to. A breath. A shuffle of papers. A thoughtful "mmm". Reza approved of this deeply. The radio paused for a moment. Reza froze. Just as the silence reached a dangerous length...
"...experts say most New Year's resolutions fail", said a calm voice at last, "because people set vague goals, lack accountability, and don't plan for relapse."
Somewhere, a submarine captain relaxed his grip on the button.
"Accountability", Reza murmured. "Structure. Relapse."
Mrs Higgins sat down at the table, opened her notebook, and wrote carefully. "My New Year's resolution", she said firmly, "is to be strict. No more extra treats just because you look adorable."
Reza turned his head. He blinked once. Then again. Then he produced a small, hopeful sound. "Mrrrrup?"
Mrs Higgins didn't look up. "No", she said, not unkindly. "Nice try. This year we're being sensible."
Reza stared at her for a long moment. "Hmph", he said quietly. He turned away, tail flicking with restrained offence. "The problem with resolutions", he muttered to himself, "is not intention. Humans are overflowing with intention. The problem is execution."
The radio continued. "...successful change requires structure, accountability, and realistic oversight..."
Reza's eyes narrowed. "Ah", he said. "There it is. BBC Radio 4 has identified the gaps — and I shall fill them."
By mid-morning, Reza had launched a new venture.
He summoned his friends to the snowy patio using urgent shouting, dramatic pacing, and one accidental slide into a plant pot. He dragged a slightly soggy cardboard box outside to serve as a podium. In his paw, he held a large leaf — damp, floppy, and entirely unsuitable for leadership, which made it perfect.
"Welcome", Reza announced, teeth chattering slightly, "to Resolution-as-a-Service™. Participation is mandatory."
Ginger Tom squinted up at him. "Do we get a say?"
"Absolutely", said Reza. "You already had one. Yesterday." He consulted the leaf. "Now. New Year's resolutions must come from within. So I listened very carefully to each of you and translated your vague emotional noises into actionable outcomes."
He pointed dramatically at Ginger Tom. "Tom. Yesterday you said, 'I might cut down a bit. Maybe.' Therefore your resolution is: Strategic Calorie Management."
Ginger Tom frowned. "I didn't agree to that."
"You did emotionally", said Reza.
Reza turned to Tiger. "Tiger, you said, 'I've got loads of energy!' Therefore your resolution is: Kinetic Output Regulation."
Tiger bounced on the spot. "Is that running?"
"No", said Reza firmly. "It is not running."
Finally, Reza faced Penelope. "Penelope, you said, 'Someone needs to keep an eye on you.' Therefore your resolution is: Oversight and Documentation."
Penelope wrapped her scarf a little tighter. "And yours?" she asked.
Reza straightened until he was nearly vibrating. "I resolve to provide Visionary Leadership and Universal Admiration."
"Of course you do", Penelope said.
"Let us begin", Reza declared. "Schedule!" He read from the leaf. "10:00 — Reflect. 10:02 — Biscuit Exposure (Non-Consumption Phase). 10:05 — Movement Window. 10:07 — Feedback Loop. 10:08 — Admiration."
At exactly 10:02, Reza produced a plate. He placed a biscuit on it and slid it toward Ginger Tom. "This biscuit", Reza said sternly, "is not to be eaten. You are to sit with it. Observe it. Build resilience."
Ginger Tom stared at the biscuit. He sat. He waited. Tiger vibrated nearby. Penelope checked her watch. After a full minute, Ginger Tom calmly reached into his fur and produced another biscuit. He ate it.
Reza gasped. "HEY!"
"What?" Ginger Tom said, swallowing. "You told me not to eat your biscuit." He pointed at the untouched one. "This one's mine. I brought it from home."
Reza's mouth opened. Closed. His brain attempted a small emergency meeting. "That is.. technically..."
"I rewarded myself for restraint", Ginger Tom said proudly.
Reza scribbled furiously on the leaf. "...loophole identified", he muttered.
"10:05!" Reza snapped. "Movement Window!"
Tiger exploded into motion. "WHEEEE!" He hit ice. "SLIIIIIDE!" "CRASH!"
Tiger slammed into the cardboard podium. Reza vanished into a snowdrift and re-emerged moments later looking like a furious decorative snowcat.
"Excellent participation!" Reza spluttered. "Minus points for infrastructure damage!"
"Is there a points shop?" Tiger asked.
"No."
"Oh."
A voice drifted over the fence. "Sounds exhausting."
Felix the Fox lounged there, warm, dry, and entirely unbothered. "I'm trying something new this year", Felix said. "No resolutions. Just doing what feels sensible and staying warm."
Ginger Tom's ears twitched. "Does it involve biscuits?"
"Occasionally", Felix said. "No rules."
That was enough. "I'm done!" Tiger shouted. "I'm auditing the hedge", said Ginger Tom.
"Sorry, Rezzi", Penelope said gently. "But this feels very... January."
They left him alone in the snow.
Reza stood there, shivering, leaf drooping. Through the window, he saw Mrs Higgins by the radio, nibbling something. He marched to the cat flap. "MEOW."
The flap swung open. Warm air rushed over him. Mrs Higgins looked down. "Oh, Reza", she said, immediately breaking her resolution. "You look frozen. Have some turkey."
Reza curled up by the radiator, smug and thawing. "Hmph", he purred. "Clearly I have advanced beyond field work. Strategic withdrawal is a recognised leadership skill."
Outside, his friends laughed in the hedge. BBC Radio 4 continued talking quietly to itself, bravely holding the world together one sentence at a time.
Inside, Reza slept. And he decided his New Year's resolution was going extremely well.
A very important message from Mrs Higgins: Snow and ice can be very slippery! Always be careful when you are running or playing outside in cold weather.
Night night. Sleep tight.