The Adventures of Reza Shadey

Story 153: Reza Shadey and the Fake News Rodent Scandal

Once upon a time, in a cosy house in Catford, with a big, leafy garden, lived Reza Shadey — a Persian cat of considerable fluff and even more considerable opinions. Reza believed he was in charge of the garden. He believed he was in charge of Mrs Higgins. And, on most days, he believed he was in charge of the truth.

One sunny morning, Mrs Higgins sat at the kitchen table with a cup of tea, looking at her tablet.

"Oh! Look at this, Reza", she said. "Larry the Downing Street cat has caught a mouse on camera! And he's nineteen years old. What a clever boy."

Reza froze mid-lick. Slowly...very slowly...he turned his head.

"Who", he meowed carefully, "has caught a mouse?"

"Larry", said Mrs Higgins. "On television."

Reza jumped onto the table and stared at the screen. There was Larry — creeping across a lawn... lowering himself... pouncing... and emerging with a mouse while cameras flashed.

Reza watched once. Then twice. Then a third time, with deepening concern. At last, he sat back. Silent. Thinking.

"This", said Reza, "is clearly manipulated footage."

Mrs Higgins blinked. "It looks real to me."

"That", said Reza darkly, "is precisely the problem."

He narrowed his eyes. "The whisker alignment is inconsistent. The crouch velocity is...theatrical. And the rodent —"

He leaned closer. "— lacks credibility."

Mrs Higgins took a sip of tea. "It's a mouse, Reza."

"Allegedly", said Reza.

Within minutes, Reza had established a command centre in the garden. This consisted of: one slightly squashed cardboard box positioned near the pond with the words "MEDIA CENTRE" scratched into the side.

Penelope raised an eyebrow. "What is this?"

"This", said Reza, stepping into the box, "is where the truth will be restored."

Ginger Tom lounged nearby. "I'm mostly here for snacks."

Tiger arrived carrying a book as requested by Reza. "Is this for Important Science?"

Reza nodded. "Correct. We will conduct a controlled demonstration." He glanced briefly toward the back door...then, very deliberately, away from it. "Of course", he said, "we must use a fake mouse."

Tiger brightened. "Oh! There is one in my 'Dreamies NOW!' book!"

Reza nodded gravely. "Yes. Your book will be ideal."

Tiger hesitated. "Don't you have one too?"

There was a very small pause. Reza smoothed a paw over his chest fur. "I do", he said. "However...my edition is an archival copy."

Tiger blinked. "What's that mean?"

"It means", said Reza, lowering his voice, "that it must be preserved in its original condition for...future research."

Tiger looked down at his own book. "Oh", he said. "Mine's just my favourite."

"Precisely", said Reza. "A working model."

Tiger brightened again. "Oh! So mine is for Important Science?"

"For extremely important science", said Reza.

Tiger smiled. Then, very carefully, he began to pull the small cardboard mouse from the page. There was a soft tearing sound.

Tiger's ears drooped slightly. "It doesn't go back in very well once it's out."

Reza leaned in, inspecting the mouse with great seriousness. "Yes", he said. "A necessary sacrifice in the pursuit of truth."

Tiger nodded, trying to look brave. "It still squeaks", he said proudly.

Reza took the mouse. "Excellent", he said. "A highly cooperative subject."

He turned to Penelope. "You will document everything."

Penelope grabbed Mrs Higgins's tablet. "For Instagram?"

"For the public record", said Reza.

Penelope tapped the 'LIVE' button... Across the world, devices pinged. Reza Shadeyis now LIVE.

Reza stepped forward, his fur catching the sunlight in what he felt was a highly authoritative manner. "Good morning", he announced. "Today, I will demonstrate how misleading rodent footage is created."

Comments began to flicker across the screen.

"Note", Reza continued, "that Larry required nineteen years to catch one mouse. I shall require nineteen seconds."

Tiger pulled the string. The cardboard mouse wobbled through the grass. Reza lowered himself. Very slowly... unnecessarily slowly... his belly hovered just above the ground.

"Observe", he whispered, "the authenticity of the crouch."

Ginger Tom yawned. "You're very close to the pond, mate."

"I am exactly where the data requires me to be", said Reza. He narrowed his eyes. "Now...the decisive moment."

He gathered himself. He launched —

Tiger, overcome with excitement, pulled the string too hard. The cardboard mouse zipped sideways. Reza adjusted mid-air. Badly. There was a scramble. A flurry. A brief but undignified noise.

And then — SPLOSH.

A large and rather impressive splash rose from the pond.

Penelope lowered the tablet slightly. "That was", she said, "very well documented."

Tiger bounced. "Ten out of ten! You disappeared completely!"

Ginger Tom nodded. "Strong commitment to make it look real."

Reza emerged slowly from the pond. Water dripped from his magnificent fur. His whiskers pointed in several directions at once. A lily pad rested gently on his head.

He paused. A long pause.

Comments flooded the screen: "Is he alright?", "Do it again!", "Best show ever!", "Soggy loaf detected."

Reza climbed out with what dignity he could gather, which was not much. He turned to the camera.

"That", he said, "was a controlled interruption."

Penelope tilted her head. "Was it?"

"Yes", said Reza firmly. "The introduction of an aquatic variable has exposed a critical flaw."

He paced, leaving damp paw prints. "This proves that so-called 'mouse-catching footage' can be easily distorted by environmental interference."

Ginger Tom blinked. "You fell in the pond."

"I have successfully exposed aquatic risk infrastructure", said Reza.

Mrs Higgins opened the back door. "Oh, Reza! You're soaking!" She wrapped him in a large towel. "Honestly", she said, "you must be more careful near the water."

Reza, bundled and slightly squashed, addressed the tablet one final time. "Stay informed", he said. "Question everything. Especially rodents."

Later that evening, wrapped in a towel beside the radiator, Reza watched the video again. Penelope sat beside him. "Five thousand views", she said. "They think you're very brave."

Reza looked satisfied.

"Of course", he said. "Courage is often misunderstood." He flicked an ear. "And I have conclusively demonstrated that the truth is...complicated."

Penelope nodded. "Very complicated."

And somewhere in Downing Street, quite unaware of the controversy he had caused, Larry the Cat continued his work. But that, of course, was entirely beside the point.

Night night. Sleep tight.