Story 24: Reza Shadey and the Catnip Addiction
Snuggle down tight, little ones. Let me tell you about the time our magnificent Reza Shadey made a very bold... botanical discovery.
One sunny afternoon, Reza Shadey — the high-functioning socio-cat who once attempted to "improve" gravity by jumping off a shed — was conducting a most thorough inspection of Mrs Higgins's garden.
He paused.
His whiskers twitched.
His emerald eyes narrowed.
"What is this?" he murmured. "An unregistered plant... operating without oversight?"
Hidden among the daisies was a small, leafy plant.
Reza leaned in and took a careful sniff.
His eyes widened.
"Well", he said slowly, "this is... promising."
He took a single, regal nibble.
A curious tingle fizzed from his ears to the tip of his tail.
Reza froze.
Then, with great dignity, he toppled sideways into the grass and began wriggling.
"Remarkable", he announced to no one at all. "I have discovered a highly advanced relaxation technology."
Days passed.
Reza stopped supervising the birds.
He postponed several important naps.
He even delayed dinner — a decision he described as "temporary and visionary."
"I am currently engaged in deep research", he explained to a passing ladybird. "Meals are... optional during innovation phases."
His magnificent fur grew slightly untidy.
His thoughts, however, grew very grand indeed.
One afternoon, he attempted to climb a tree upside down.
"Observe!" he declared. "A new method of vertical movement!"
He made it approximately one and a half branches before dropping into a pile of leaves with a soft POOF.
"Early prototype", he muttered.
Another day, he stood beneath the birdbath, chirping at the sparrows.
"I have successfully integrated into avian operations", he informed them.
The sparrows did not look convinced.
From a distance, Tiger watched, wide-eyed.
"Reza's being a bit... odd", he said.
"A bit?" Ginger Tom replied. "He just chirped at a sparrow, mate."
Then, as often happens in stories like this, someone noticed an opportunity.
Out from the shadows slipped Felix the Fox.
"Reza", Felix said smoothly, "I see you've discovered a rather... interesting plant."
Reza sat up, swaying slightly.
"Indeed", he replied. "I am currently leading research in this sector."
Felix smiled.
"I happen to have access to a premium supply", he said. "Far superior to this... beginner's patch."
Reza's ears perked.
"Superior?" he said.
"The finest in the county", Felix continued. "Naturally, such quality requires a modest fee."
"What sort of fee?" Reza asked grandly.
Felix's eyes flicked toward the food bowl.
"Oh, nothing much", he said. "Just your biscuits."
Reza considered this for almost half a second.
"A fair exchange", he declared. "I admire your professionalism."
And so, the deal was made.
Days passed.
Felix grew round and satisfied.
Reza grew thinner... and considerably wobblier.
Still, he remained very confident.
"I am expanding operations", he told a confused daisy. "This is a growth phase."
They hardly recognised their bossy, brilliant friend — and they didn't like it one bit. At last, his friends had seen enough.
Penelope approached first, her expression calm but serious.
"Reza", she said, not calling him Rezzi, "your current situation is... unacceptable."
Reza blinked.
"I am thriving", he replied.
"You haven't groomed properly", she continued. "You've missed meals. You're giving away your biscuits."
Ginger Tom stepped forward.
"All of them", he added. "That's not right. That's deeply not right."
Tiger bounced anxiously.
"We want you back", he said. "Even the bossy version."
Reza drew himself up, or at least attempted to.
"I am perfectly in control", he insisted. "This is a carefully managed experiment."
Penelope's gaze did not soften.
"Then stop", she said.
There was a pause.
Reza frowned.
"This is not stopping", he said. "This is... a temporary pause for evaluation."
"Stop", Penelope repeated.
The next few days were, in Reza's words, "a short period of strategic inconvenience."
He sulked.
He complained.
He accused the garden of "reduced vibrancy."
His paws occasionally twitched toward the patch.
"This is merely a test of discipline", he muttered. "A leader must prove he can step away at any time."
His friends stayed close.
Penelope kept him occupied with long, sensible conversations.
Ginger Tom found him crunchy leaves that were, disappointingly, just leaves.
Tiger zoomed about until Reza couldn't help but watch... and, eventually, laugh.
Slowly, very slowly, the strange pull of the plant began to fade.
Reza's fur returned to its usual magnificent state.
His eyes regained their sharp, scheming sparkle.
One golden evening, the four of them sat together in the garden.
Reza cleared his throat.
"I have reached a conclusion", he announced.
His friends waited.
"The catnip market", he said, "is wildly overrated."
Penelope smiled gently. "We're just glad you're back."
"Back?" Reza said, with mild offence. "I never left. I simply conducted a focused, short-term study."
Ginger Tom raised an eyebrow.
"With no biscuits?" he said.
"A calculated sacrifice", Reza replied smoothly.
Tiger grinned. "So... no more weird plant?"
Reza considered this.
"I have decided", he said, "to move away from that particular opportunity."
He paused.
"However", he added, his eyes gleaming, "I shall of course be documenting my findings in a very important book."
"Oh yeah?" said Ginger Tom.
"Yes", Reza said proudly. "'The Catnip Conundrum: How I Briefly Mastered a Mysterious Plant and Chose to Walk Away.'"
Penelope gave him a knowing look.
Reza purred, already planning the cover.
A very important message from Mrs Higgins:
It's lovely to explore the garden, but some plants can make us feel quite poorly — even if they seem interesting at first! It's always best to leave mystery plants alone and stick to the food you know is safe.
Night night. Sleep tight.