Story 25: Reza Shadey Meets Fergus
Snuggle down, little sleepyheads. Let's hear about the time Reza Shadey met a very different sort of cat.
One quiet afternoon, while conducting a very important perimeter patrol past Mrs Higgins's prize-winning petunias, Reza Shadey spotted... an unfamiliar presence.
This cat wasn't fluffy like Penelope or bouncy like Tiger. He was scruffy, mostly grey, with clever green eyes — and most alarmingly, one of his ears had a neat little notch missing!
Reza Shadey puffed out his magnificent chest.
"Hmph! An unaudited arrival", he thought. "Clearly operating outside the official garden network."
"Well, hello there", Reza Shadey declared, striking his most regal pose. "I am Reza Shadey, Chief Executive of these gardens. You must be... new."
The grey cat blinked slowly. "Name's Fergus", he said, his voice calm and gravelly. "And I know these gardens well enough."
Reza couldn't stop staring at his ear.
Fergus noticed. "This notch? Means I'm looked after. And I look after myself. Works both ways."
Reza Shadey scoffed loudly. "Pfft! I require no such arrangements. I have Mrs Higgins, who provides premium salmon biscuits, a luxury sleeping facility, and daily grooming for my magnificent Persian fur. I am entirely independent."
Fergus stretched, showing strong muscles beneath his scruffy coat. "Sounds like you've got things pretty comfortable", he said. "Nothing wrong with that."
Then he added, gently, "But being able to manage on your own... that's useful too."
Reza Shadey's whiskers twitched.
How dare this rough-and-ready free agent suggest there were other ways to be important?
"I shall demonstrate superior capability", Reza decided. "A controlled resilience audit!"
That night, under the cover of darkness, Reza crept out to begin his testing.
He found a little pile of pebbles Fergus liked to bat about.
"Aha", Reza whispered. "Asset confiscation."
He carefully pushed the pebbles under a muddy bush, flicking the last one with a very satisfied tail-swish.
But the next day, Fergus was happily batting a fallen conker instead.
Tap. Tap. Roll.
He didn't look bothered in the slightest.
Reza narrowed his eyes. "He adapts. Mildly irritating."
"Phase Two", Reza muttered.
He knew Fergus liked to nap in a warm sunny patch behind the shed. With great effort — and quite a lot of grunting — Reza dragged an old, smelly welly boot across the patio.
Scrrrape. Thump.
He gave one final shove... and his paws slipped! WHOOP — thud!
Reza landed in a rather undignified heap, quickly springing up and pretending nothing had happened.
"A perfectly controlled placement", he said, slightly breathless, positioning the boot squarely in the sunshine. "Environmental obstacle deployed."
Later, Reza peeked behind the shed.
There was Fergus.
Fast asleep.
Using the smelly welly boot as a pillow.
Zzzzz...
Reza Shadey's tail flicked sharply.
"This is becoming statistically improbable", he muttered.
Then he saw Fergus heading toward a small gap in the fence.
Reza's eyes lit up.
"Aha! Final phase. Border control."
He marched over and threw his full weight against a large terracotta flowerpot.
Grunt! Shove! Scrrrk...
The pot wobbled.
Reza shoved again. Harder.
Grunt — nnngh...
It didn't move.
He tried one last mighty push...
...and the pot slid towards the gap.
Reza immediately stood very still, as if he had been inspecting the flowerpot all along.
Just then, Fergus arrived.
He looked at the slightly crooked pot.
Then at Reza.
Then back at the pot.
Without a word, Fergus gently nudged it back into place with his head.
Nudge.
Perfect.
He glanced at Reza again.
"You know", Fergus said calmly, "making things difficult for others doesn't make you look better."
He paused.
"It just makes you look... a bit silly."
He didn’t sound cross, just... certain.
Then, with an easy, fluid motion, Fergus slipped through the gap in the fence and disappeared into the evening shadows.
Swish.
Reza Shadey sat very still.
For a tiny moment... he felt rather ridiculous.
But then...
the Reza Rationalisation Engine activated.
Reza stood up, puffed out his chest, and brushed an imaginary speck of dust from his magnificent fur.
"Silly?" he scoffed to the empty garden. "What an extraordinary misinterpretation."
He began pacing slowly.
"I have just completed a comprehensive, multi-phase resilience audit", he continued. "The subject demonstrated notable adaptability under increasingly complex conditions..."
Reza paused, nodding to himself.
"...which, I might add, he passed only due to my exceptionally rigorous testing methods."
He turned toward the cat flap, tail held high.
"I shall award him a solid B-plus", Reza concluded smugly. "Promising — but critically lacking visionary leadership."
And with that, he strolled inside for salmon biscuits, a soft bed, and a very well-earned rest after such important work.
Night night. Sleep tight.