Story 35: Reza Shadey and the Smart Speaker Surprise
Okay, snuggle down tight, little ones. Let me tell you a tale about a very grand cat and a shiny box that dared to talk back.
One crisp morning, a mysterious new box arrived at Mrs Higgins's house. It wasn't a box of deluxe salmon pâté (Reza's absolute favourite), nor was it a diamond-studded collar (which Reza felt he thoroughly deserved). No, this was a strange, cylindrical box. A shiny, beeping, talking box!
Mrs Higgins clapped her hands together. "Oh, Reza, darling! Look! It's a Smart Speaker! It can play music, tell us the weather and even answer questions!"
Reza Shadey, draped elegantly over the plushest velvet cushion (his executive throne, obviously), narrowed his emerald green eyes. His magnificent, fluffy tail gave a single, contemptuous flick. A talking box? Answering questions? Preposterous! He was the only one in this house with superior intellect, and he alone deserved all the attention. This... thing... was clearly a rival.
"Hmph!"Reza sniffed, his whiskers twitching with disdain. "As if a plastic cylinder could be cleverer than me."
Determined to expose this imposter, Reza leaped down from his throne with the grace of a tiny, furry emperor. He circled the Smart Speaker, inspecting it with a highly critical gaze. It was small. It was shiny. It was... rather lacking in style, actually.
He sat before it, puffed out his magnificent chest, and in his most commanding meow declared, "Inferior Box! Execute immediate lunchtime tuna deployment! And make it snappy!"
The Smart Speaker lit up with a soft blue ring. "Hello! I can add 'tuna' to the shopping list. Would you like me to?" it chirped, far too cheerfully for Reza's liking.
Reza's ears flattened. "Useless!" he hissed. Shopping lists were for humans. He required service.
He tried a different approach.
"Very well, Smarty-Pants Speaker", Reza purred, his voice as smooth as silk (and twice as sneaky). "Tell me, who is the most handsome, intelligent and all-round superior being in this house?"
He struck a regal pose, fully expecting immediate admiration.
The Smart Speaker paused, then said brightly, "All beings are wonderful in their own way! Would you like me to tell you some fun facts about badgers?"
"BADGERS?!"Reza yowled, leaping back as if he'd been offered a bath. "This is an outrage! An absolute catastrophe! This thing is clearly broken!"
He needed to teach it a lesson.
First, he tried staring at it very, very hard. Surely his powerful, CEO-level gaze would make it submit.
(The box just glowed.)
Then, he tried a gentle tap with a velvet paw. Tap, tap.
(The box just beeped.)
He even tried to sit on it, hoping to squash its annoying cheerfulness out of existence.
(It was surprisingly sturdy.)
Finally, he let out his most ear-splitting, window-rattling MEEEOOOOOWWWW of extreme indignation!
(The box asked, "Did you say 'now' or 'meow'?")
Reza was about to launch into a very serious lecture on the proper respect due to cats of his calibre when Mrs Higgins walked in.
"Oh, Speaker", she said, not even noticing Reza's theatrical distress, "what's the best way to make a cat purr?"
The Smart Speaker instantly replied, "Cats often purr when they are happy. Try gentle strokes, a warm lap and perhaps a tasty treat."
Reza froze mid-huff.
Well... that wasn't entirely wrong.
He did enjoy a good chin scratch. And treats were, admittedly, excellent.
He glanced at his favourite sunbeam on the rug. He thought about his bowl, soon to be filled with dinner. He saw Mrs Higgins smiling down at him, hand outstretched.
"Hmph",Reza grumbled, but he allowed Mrs Higgins to scratch him behind the ears.
"Perhaps", he conceded internally, "this box isn't a complete fool. Merely... misguided."
That evening, when Mrs Higgins was busy in the other room, Reza sidled up to the Smart Speaker. He looked left. He looked right. No one was watching.
"Psst! Box!" he whispered. "Secret mission. Between you and me. Who is... undeniably... the top cat around here?"
The Smart Speaker glowed.
"Based on my calculations of purr volume, nap duration and overall fabulousness... you are, Reza Shadey."
Reza's purr rumbled like a tiny, contented motor. He gave a slow, satisfied blink.
"Took you long enough", he muttered, and curled up beside the Smart Speaker, almost (but not quite) touching it.
Finally, technology was starting to show some proper respect.
Night night. Sleep tight.