Story 43: Reza Shadey and the Parrot Problem
Okay, snuggle down tight, little ones.
Let me tell you a tale about a very cheeky and magnificently fluffy cat...
One bright morning, Reza Shadey, the fluffiest, most self-important Persian cat in the entire neighbourhood (possibly the world, in his extremely important opinion), was polishing his whiskers on the sunniest garden gnome.
Lick, lick... perfect!
Suddenly, a screech echoed through the air —
"SQUAWK! PRETTY BOY! SQUAWK!"
— and a flash of brilliant green and yellow feathers followed.
A new neighbour had arrived: a parrot named Pico, with a voice louder than Mrs Higgins's vacuum cleaner and a cage already hanging proudly on the patio next door.
Reza Shadey's magnificent tail gave a single, contemptuous flick.
"Hmph! A feathered squawk-box", he sniffed. "Probably eats birdseed and thinks repeating silly noises is a talent. Utterly beneath my notice."
But then he overheard Pico perfectly mimicking the postman's whistle... and then Mrs Higgins calling, "Time for tea!"
His emerald green eyes widened.
This wasn't just squawking.
This was useful – a voice that could spread his greatness everywhere!
A wonderfully mischievous plan, shimmering with Reza-tastic brilliance, began to hatch in his cunning feline brain.
"This feathered fellow", he murmured, "could be a most excellent... assistant."
Knowing he could twist the situation to his magnificent advantage, Reza began his "lessons".
He lounged casually near Pico's cage, speaking in his most impressive voice.
"Reza Shadey is the wisest cat in the world", he purred, preening.
"SQUAWK! Wisest cat! ...Reza smart!"Pico screeched back, delighted.
"And the most handsome",Reza added, striking a pose.
"HANDSOME! Reza best!"
Everything was going splendidly... until Reza added a few observations about his friends — always muttered when he thought Pico wasn't really listening.
"Oh, Penelope... so terribly dull. All she does is nap in sunbeams like a fluffy, uninteresting cloud."
"And Ginger Tom... bless his cotton socks, couldn't catch a cold, let alone a mouse. Probably thinks a butterfly is a flying biscuit."
"As for Tiger... that bouncy little apprentice. He really should leave the important thinking to me."
The very next morning, Reza arranged a completely "accidental" gathering in Mrs Higgins's garden with Penelope, Ginger Tom, and Tiger.
He was just about to suggest a game where he, naturally, would be in charge of everything when Pico — perched on the fence like a feathered judge — cleared his throat.
"AHEM! SQUAWK!"
Then, in Reza's exact, smug, purring voice, Pico declared:
"Oh, Penelope... so terribly dull. All she does is nap in sunbeams like a fluffy, uninteresting cloud."
Penelope's sleepy eyes snapped open. Her magnificent white tail fluffed up like a startled swan.
"Boring, am I, Rezzi?" she hissed, her voice dangerously soft.
Pico, oblivious, continued:
"And Ginger Tom... bless his cotton socks, couldn't catch a cold, let alone a mouse. Probably thinks a butterfly is a flying biscuit."
Ginger Tom, who had been cheerfully attempting to pounce on a ladybird, froze mid-wobble. His orange fur bristled.
"Flying biscuit?! I'll have you know I am an excellent hunter, thank you very much!"
"As for Tiger..."Pico squawked, perfectly mimicking Reza's condescending tone, "that bouncy little apprentice. He really should leave the important thinking to me."
Tiger's bouncy joy deflated like a popped balloon. His ears drooped.
"That's not very nice at all!" he huffed.
Reza Shadey gasped, his fur standing on end. His brilliant plan had backfired spectacularly.
"Oh, you feathered fiend!" he thought, glaring at Pico.
His friends were now glaring at him, whiskers twitching with indignation.
"No, no, my dear friends! You misunderstand!"Reza scrambled, trying to look charmingly innocent (which was rather difficult under three very cross stares). "It wasn't me! It was that... that blabbermouth bird! Pico! He's... he's mixing things up!"
But his friends weren't convinced. After all, it was Reza's voice — clear as a freshly cleaned window.
Just as Reza quietly considered a strategic retreat over the fence (perhaps blaming a passing squirrel), Mrs Higgins stepped into the garden, a steaming cup of tea in one hand and a biscuit in the other.
Pico, seizing his moment, puffed up his chest and declared in Reza's most self-satisfied tone:
"Reza Shadey is the wisest cat in the world! SQUAWK! And the most handsome!"
Mrs Higgins chuckled, nearly spilling her tea.
"Oh, that parrot! He's been spending far too much time listening to you, you vain silly sausage!"
Penelope's ears twitched. Her eyes narrowed, not with anger this time, but with dawning realisation.
"Wait just a fuzzy moment... what did that bird just say?"
Ginger Tom scratched his chin thoughtfully.
"Hang on... Reza would never say that out loud where we could hear it. He usually just lets us notice it ourselves."
Tiger tilted his head.
"And why would Pico say all those other horrid things in Reza's voice unless... unless Reza taught him?"
All eyes turned back to Reza Shadey, who was suddenly fascinated by a loose thread on the garden gnome. He shuffled his paws. His whiskers drooped a tiny, almost imperceptible bit.
"Well..." he mumbled, avoiding their gaze. "Perhaps I might have... mentioned a few things... in Pico's general direction... purely for... educational purposes..."
Penelope sighed, a sound half exasperation, half affection.
"Oh, Rezzi. You and your 'educational purposes'. You can be such a spectacularly silly sausage sometimes."
Ginger Tom flicked his tail, a small smile sneaking onto his face.
"You're lucky we know your particular brand of nonsense, you furry menace."
Tiger bounced, already recovering.
"Next time, Reza, can you teach Pico to say something nice about us? Like, 'Tiger is the fastest, bounciest kitten in the whole garden'?"
Reza Shadey's whiskers twitched. He looked at his expectant friends. He looked at the smug parrot. He gave a long, dramatic sigh.
"Oh, very well", he conceded, as if granting a tremendous favour. "Perhaps something along the lines of... 'Tiger is... adequately bouncy for a small apprentice'. And 'Penelope possesses... a reasonably fluffy tail'."
Before anyone could object, Pico screeched triumphantly:
"SQUAWK! Penelope has the fluffiest tail! Tiger bouncy! Reza wisest!"
Everyone burst out laughing — even Mrs Higgins, who had heard quite enough of the whole affair.
And Reza Shadey? He allowed himself a tiny, almost invisible smirk. His plan may have gone rather wrong... but in the end, everyone was still talking about him.
And that, in Reza's book, was a most satisfactory outcome.
Night night. Sleep tight.