The Adventures of Reza Shadey

Story 45: Reza Shadey and the Case of the Misunderstood Mask

Reza Shadey, the most grand Persian cat in all of England (he said so himself, of course), was having a lovely nap in his favourite sunny spot by Mrs Higgins's special flowers when his nap was very rudely stopped. A shadow fell on his face - not a cloud, oh no, but something much more interesting. A sleek, mysterious cat with black markings around his eyes that made him look exactly like a proper bandit from one of those human TV shows!

"Hi, my name is Bandit", meowed the new cat cheerfully, then added with a practiced timing, "...and before you ask, I'm not." His tail gave a little flick, as if he'd said this many, many times before.

Reza Shadey stretched lazily, opening one green eye, which sparkled with immediate and great mischief. "Well, I can see what your human was trying to do there", he purred, his voice sounding very clever. "Another simple mind playing with easy words. How very plain. Honestly, some humans just don't have much imagination."

The new cat — Bandit — stopped walking, his ears twitching like wobbly aerials. "What are you talking about?" he asked, though he sighed as if he already knew it was something silly.

"Oh, does that happen to you a lot?" Reza tilted his head, pretending to be innocent, enjoying the funny situation very much.

Bandit flopped down with a very tired and sad look. "Every. Single. Time. Humans, other cats, the squirrels in the park – even a very grumpy-looking pigeon yesterday. It's so tiring." He licked his paw in a very dramatic way. "Just last week, a poodle actually yelped and hid her sparkly chew toy when she saw me!"

Reza Shadey puffed out his already big chest. "Don't worry, my oddly marked friend! Come with me, and I will introduce you to my... helpers." "Cats to boss around, more like", he thought with a little grin.

They found Penelope gently sniffing some special roses, looking just like a spoilt princess. "Oh, hello Rezzi", she purred, then blinked her big, innocent eyes at Bandit. "My, who's your new —"

"I'm Bandit", he interrupted, the words rushing out fast like a scared mouse, "and before you ask, I'm not."

Penelope stared hard at his face markings, then offered a polite, if a bit suspicious, smile. "Of course not, dear. How... special."

"Wotcha!" Ginger Tom walked over, with a few crumbs from a secret snack still clinging to his whiskers. "Who have we here then? Looks a bit sneaky, this one!"

"I'm Bandit, and before you ask —"

"You could have fooled me, mate!" Tom laughed loudly, slapping his own leg with his tail in amusement, nearly knocking off the crumbs.

Tiger came bouncing onto the scene like a toy suddenly let go. "Wow! You look super cool, mister! Like a super-duper cat burglar from a comic book!"

"I'm Bandit, and before you ask —" Bandit began again, his voice full of sadness, but the other cats were already giggling. His ears drooped even more.

Reza Shadey cleared his throat importantly, a tiny, happy smirk on his lips. "You know", he said, his voice sounding very, very patient, "I don't think anyone has ever properly explained the, let's say, funny look of your problem." He walked around Bandit slowly, tail held high like a royal stick, just like a famous detective showing a very clear clue. "You cannot see your own face, dear boy, but we can. You have certain... face marks", he waved a paw loosely at Bandit's eyes with a grand sweep. "Dark patches! Right here! They look just like the bad guy masks in those flickering human TV shows! So, your human, in a very plain way of thinking, named you Bandit. It's so easy, isn't it? Do you finally understand how super, super obvious it all is?"

Bandit's eyes opened wide, not because he understood how easy it was, but because he was amazed by Reza's long explanation. "Wow! That... that actually makes so much sense! You're super good at explaining things, Reza! Nobody's ever said it like that before!"

Reza Shadey puffed himself up, his whiskers twitching with a sudden, brilliant, and very helpful idea for himself. "Ah-ha! A super chance has come! This is almost too easy!"

"This is perfectly perfect!" he said, standing in a grand way. "Because I, Reza Shadey, really need a cat with... a certain look for a very important job with a yummy reward."

Bandit squinted his eyes (which, of course, only made him look even more like a bandit). "A job? What kind of job are we talking about?"

Reza chuckled, a low, dark rumble in his chest. "We are talking about bravely getting something super valuable from the human's 'no-go zone' — the very top shelf of the kitchen cupboard! I've heard whispers of a brand-new, unopened bag of yummy salmon treats up there." He leaned in secretly, his voice a quiet whisper. "And with your... special look, you could be the perfect trick. No one would ever think a cat who looks like a bandit is actually a bandit during a snatch! It's backwards thinking, you see! Pure, pure genius!"

Bandit thought about this, his ear twitching. The idea of yummy salmon was certainly tempting, and using his "disguise" for something good instead of just being laughed at was rather nice. "So... let me get this right. I look like a bandit, but I'm not really a bandit, which means I can pretend to be a bandit for this one special, salmon-related thing, without actually being a bandit in real life?"

"Exactly!" Reza beamed, practically shaking with happiness at his own cleverness. "You'll be the ultimate trick! A brilliant plan to fool them!"

And so, the Great Salmon Treat Grab (as Reza grandly called it) was carefully planned. Reza explained the plan like a wise leader: "Bandit, your part is super important. You will go to the kitchen window and make Mrs Higgins look away. Look cute, look innocent, look... well, look like a bandit trying to look innocent. I, of course, will do the actual snatch — I mean, get the treats."

Bandit, a bit confused but also curious, did as he was told. He hopped onto the windowsill and looked through the glass with his biggest, most innocent (but still very suspiciously bandit-like) face he could make.

"Oh my goodness!" Mrs Higgins cooed from inside, seeing him. "What a truly special-looking cat you are! Those markings are just amazing!"

Meanwhile, Reza Shadey, sure that he was super sneaky, decided the normal cat flap was far too boring for a cat like him. "I need a special way to get in, fit for my genius!" he thought. He saw the kitchen window was a bit open. With a big wiggle of his fluffy bottom, he tried a daring jump onto the kitchen counter. He missed by just a tiny bit, landing with a rather un-ninja-like OOF amongst a wobbly pile of Mrs Higgins's cooking books, sending papers fluttering around him like confused butterflies. "Ahem! That was a clever move to check the air", he mumbled, quickly standing up straight and shaking a recipe for 'Victoria Sponge' cake from his ear. He then climbed up the forbidden shelf with surprising speed for such a grand cat. His paws quickly, though a bit flustered, grabbed the salmon treat bag. But, full of pride at his 'silent' and 'grand' entry, as he came down with his precious prize, he swished his magnificent tail a little too grandly and knocked over a tall tin of biscuits — CLANG! BONK! RATTLE!

Mrs Higgins spun around, eyes wide. "Reza Shadey! What on earth do you think you are doing up there?"

Reza froze in mid-air, salmon treats held in his mouth, then, with amazing speed, pointed a dramatic paw at Bandit, who was still looking "innocent" at the window. "It wasn't me! It was HIM! Look at him — he clearly looks like a bandit, so he must be the one who did it! It's so easy, my dear Higgins!"

"Nonsense, you fluffy little liar!" Mrs Higgins picked up Reza by the back of his neck (a very undignified way to be held). "I know your tricks, Reza Shadey! That poor, sweet-looking cat was just your helper, your scapegoat, and now you're trying to blame him too! Honestly! Bad kitty! No salmon treats for you for a whole week!"

Outside, Bandit watched through the window as Reza was told off and had the stolen treats taken away. The other cats gathered around him, trying not to giggle.

"Well", said Penelope properly, adjusting an imaginary crown, "that went just like all of Rezzi's clever plans usually do."

Ginger Tom nodded wisely, his whiskers twitching. "At least this time no one ended up accidentally dyed blue or stuck headfirst in a wellington boot."

Tiger bounced excitedly, his eyes shining. "But the CLANG noise was super awesome! And the BONK! Can we do it again tomorrow? Please?"

Bandit sighed, a long, drawn-out sound that seemed to carry the sadness of all misunderstood cats. "I'm Bandit, and before you ask —"

"— you're not", the other cats all said together, finally bursting into loud giggles.

Inside, Reza Shadey was put onto his "punishment cushion" (a rather uncomfortable cushion in the hallway). He sulked grandly, already thinking of his next, even more super clever plan. After all, even the greatest bad guys — which he surely was — had a small problem sometimes. It was just a little hiccup. And he was definitely the greatest. Probably.

Night night. Sleep tight.