Story 45: Reza Shadey and the Case of the Misunderstood Mask
Okay, snuggle down tight, little ones.
Let me tell you a tale about a very cheeky... and magnificently fluffy cat.
Reza Shadey — the most grand Persian cat in all of England (he said so himself, of course) — was having a perfectly lovely nap in his favourite sunny spot by Mrs Higgins's special flowers when it was very rudely interrupted.
A shadow fell across his face.
Not a cloud, oh no... something far more interesting.
A sleek, mysterious cat stood there, with black markings around his eyes that made him look exactly like a proper bandit from one of those human TV shows.
"Hi, my name is Bandit", meowed the newcomer cheerfully. Then, with perfect practiced timing:
"...and before you ask, I'm not."
His tail flicked, as if he had said this many, many times before.
Reza Shadey stretched slowly, opening one green eye. It sparkled instantly with mischief.
"Well", he purred, "I can see what your human was trying to do there. Another simple mind playing with easy words. How very plain. Honestly... some humans have shockingly little imagination."
Bandit paused, ears twitching like wobbly aerials.
"What are you talking about?" he asked, though he sighed as if he already suspected it would be something rather silly.
"Oh? Does that happen to you often?"Reza tilted his head, looking innocent — while enjoying the situation tremendously.
Bandit flopped down with a dramatic sigh.
"Every. Single. Time. Humans, other cats, squirrels — even a very grumpy pigeon yesterday. It's exhausting. Last week a poodle actually hid her sparkly chew toy when she saw me!"
Reza puffed out his already impressive chest.
"Say no more, my oddly marked friend! Come with me, and I shall introduce you to my... helpers."
"Cats to boss around, more like", he thought, with a small, satisfied grin.
They soon found Penelope delicately sniffing some roses, looking exactly like a spoilt little princess.
"Oh, hello Rezzi", she purred, then blinked at Bandit. "My, who's your — "
"I'm Bandit", he interrupted quickly, "and before you ask, I'm not."
Penelope studied his face carefully, then gave a polite — if slightly suspicious — smile.
"Of course not, dear. How... very distinctive."
"Wotcha!"Ginger Tom wandered over, crumbs still clinging to his whiskers.
"Who've we got here then? Looks a bit sneaky, this one!"
"I'm Bandit, and before you ask — "
"You could have fooled me, mate!"Tom laughed, nearly knocking the crumbs clean off his face.
Tiger bounced in like a spring that had just been let loose.
"Wow! You look amazing! Like a super-duper cat burglar from a comic book!"
"I'm Bandit, and before you ask — "Bandit began again, his voice drooping as the others started to giggle.
Reza cleared his throat importantly, a small, knowing smirk on his lips.
"You know", he said, in the tone of a very patient expert, "I don't believe anyone has ever properly explained your... situation."
He began to circle Bandit slowly, tail held high like a great detective unveiling a crucial clue.
"You cannot see your own face, dear boy... but we can. You have certain... markings."
He gestured grandly.
"Dark patches, here. Around the eyes. They look exactly like the masks worn by bandits in those flickering human programmes."
He paused, letting the brilliance of his explanation settle.
"So your human — thinking in a most straightforward, almost embarrassingly obvious way — named you Bandit."
He gave a small nod.
"It is, in fact, astonishingly — almost painfully — simple."
Bandit's eyes widened.
"Oh! That... actually makes sense! You're very good at explaining things, Reza! No one's ever said it like that before!"
Reza puffed up instantly, positively glowing.
"Ah-ha! At last — recognition of true brilliance!"
Then, quite suddenly, his whiskers twitched.
An idea.
A glorious idea.
"This", he declared, "is perfectly perfect. Because I, Reza Shadey, require a cat with... a very particular look... for a most important assignment."
Bandit blinked. "An assignment?"
"A mission", said Reza gravely. "With a highly delicious reward."
Bandit narrowed his eyes slightly. "What kind of mission?"
Reza leaned in, lowering his voice to a conspiratorial whisper.
"The human has placed a brand-new, unopened bag of salmon treats on the very top shelf of the kitchen cupboard."
He paused.
"A clear and unforgivable injustice." (At least, according to Reza.)
Bandit's ears perked.
"And you", Reza continued, "with your... unmistakable appearance, are the perfect distraction. You look exactly like the sort of cat one should keep a close eye on..."
He grinned.
"...which means, of course, no one will suspect the real genius at work."
He sat back proudly.
"It's backwards thinking, you see. Pure. Genius."
Bandit thought this through carefully.
"So... I look like a bandit... but I'm not a bandit... which means I can pretend to be a bandit... without actually being one?"
"Precisely!" beamed Reza. "You grasp it beautifully!"
After a moment, Bandit nodded.
"Alright. I suppose that does make sense."
And so, the Great Salmon Treat Grab was set into motion.
"Your role is absolutely vital", Reza explained. "You will position yourself at the kitchen window and appear... noticeable. I, naturally, shall handle the delicate retrieval."
Bandit hopped onto the windowsill and arranged his most innocent — yet somehow still extremely suspicious — expression.
"Oh my goodness!"Mrs Higgins cooed from inside.
"What a very special-looking cat you are!"
Meanwhile, Reza Shadey surveyed the situation.
"The cat flap?" he sniffed. "Far too ordinary. I require an entrance worthy of my genius."
Spotting a slightly open window, he wiggled his magnificent fluffy bottom... and leapt.
He missed.
"Oof!"
He landed in a wobbly pile of cookery books, sending papers fluttering around him like startled butterflies.
"Ahem", he muttered, standing quickly. "A calculated manoeuvre to assess air conditions", he said quickly.
He shook a 'Victoria Sponge' recipe out of his ear, then scrambled up the cupboard with surprising speed, grabbed the salmon treats—
Success!
— but as he turned, his magnificent tail swished just a little too magnificently —
CLANG!
BONK!
RATTLE!
Mrs Higgins spun around.
"Reza Shadey! What on earth do you think you are doing up there?!"
Reza froze.
Then, with astonishing speed, he pointed dramatically toward the window.
"It wasn't me! It was HIM! Look at him — he clearly looks like a bandit! It's perfectly obvious!"
"Nonsense, you fluffy little liar!" said Mrs Higgins, scooping him up in a most undignified manner.
"I know your tricks! That poor cat was just your helper — and now you're blaming him as well? Honestly! No salmon treats for you for a whole week!"
Outside, Bandit watched as the treats were taken away.
The other cats gathered around him.
"Well", said Penelope, adjusting an imaginary crown, "that went exactly as one might expect."
"Could've been worse", added Ginger Tom wisely.
"No one got dyed blue this time. Or stuck headfirst in a welly."
Tiger bounced excitedly.
"But the CLANG was amazing! And the BONK! Can we do it again tomorrow?"
Bandit sighed — a long, tired sigh that seemed to carry the weight of many misunderstandings.
"I'm Bandit, and before you ask — "
" — you're not", the others finished together, bursting into giggles.
Inside, Reza Shadey was placed firmly on his punishment cushion.
He sulked grandly.
But only for a moment.
Because already, deep in his brilliant mind, an even more ingenious plan was beginning to form.
After all...
Even the greatest masterminds had the occasional tiny setback.
And he was definitely the greatest.
Probably.
Night night. Sleep tight.