Story 66: Reza Shadey and the Case of the Reluctant Celebrity
One terribly drippy morning, Mrs Higgins declared the garden a "no-go zone" for cats. Reza Shadey, the grandest, fluffiest, most magnificently bored Persian cat in the whole wide world, was stuck inside. He sat on the windowsill, his magnificent tail twitching with irritation, glaring at the raindrops splish-splashing against the glass. "Honestly", he huffed, "this weather is an affront to my royal dignity! How am I to supervise my empire from indoors?"
Suddenly, his emerald eyes narrowed. Under the big, bushy conifer tree at the very edge of the garden, a small, dark shape huddled. It was a cat! A sleek, black-and-white cat, looking rather damp and utterly miserable. A tuxedo cat! Tux, as Reza decided to call him, shivered, his white paws tucked neatly under his chest.
Reza let out a loud, imperious "MEEOW!" — which in cat-speak meant, "Look at me! I am important! And you look rather pathetic!"
Mrs Higgins, hearing the yowl, peered out. "Oh, you poor thing!" she cooed, opening the back door. "Would you like to come in, little one? It's ever so warm and dry!"
Tux, instead of bounding in, simply shrank further under the conifer, his eyes wide with fright. He looked like a tiny, very formal mushroom trying to hide. Mrs Higgins sighed, a little sadly, and closed the door. "Some cats are just too shy, Reza", she murmured.
Reza scoffed. "Shy? What a wasted opportunity! Clearly, that cat doesn't understand the benefits of a warm lap and a full biscuit bowl!" He watched for a while longer, but Tux stayed put. When the rain finally stopped and Mrs Higgins declared the garden safe for royal patrols, Reza zoomed out. He looked under the conifer. Nothing. Tux had vanished, leaving only a few damp pine needles behind.
A few days later, Mrs Higgins was buzzing with excitement. "Reza!" she exclaimed, waving her tablet. "You won't believe it! A local tech company, 'Purr-fect Presents', is looking for a new CCO, a 'Chief Cuddle Officer'! It's a very important job, with a salary of unlimited salmon treats!"
Reza's whiskers twitched. "A SALARY? Unlimited SALMON?" His eyes gleamed with a terrifying ambition. "This is it! My true calling! Who better to be Chief Cuddle Officer than I, Reza Shadey, the most magnificent cuddler (when I choose to be)?"
He immediately demanded Mrs Higgins help him apply. He dictated his qualifications: "Expert napper, professional biscuit-tester, supreme garden supervisor and master of the 'I-am-starving-even-though-I-just-ate' yowl!" Mrs Higgins typed, giggling. "He'll never get it", she thought, "but it's sweet he thinks he's qualified."
Days stretched into a week. No response. Reza paced, growing more furious with each passing hour. "The audacity! The sheer incompetence! How could they not see my obvious genius?" He imagined another cat, lounging in 'his' velvet office chair, drowning in salmon. It was an outrage!
Then, Mrs Higgins brought home a local newspaper. On the front page was a huge photo: "Boss, the new Chief Cuddle Officer, attends his first public event!" Reza peered closer, his magnificent fur bristling. The cat in the photo, looking utterly overwhelmed, shrinking from the cameras, was none other than... Tux! The shy tuxedo cat from under the conifer!
Reza's jaw dropped. "That... that SCAREDY-CAT? He got MY job? This is a travesty! He looks absolutely miserable! He's clearly being held against his will!" For once, Reza's outrage wasn't just about himself. It was about the injustice! How could such a prestigious role, meant for a truly magnificent cat like him, be given to a timid creature who clearly hated it? This was an insult to the entire feline species! A new, grander scheme began to form in Reza's cunning mind: he would RESCUE Tux, thereby proving his own superior judgment and strategic brilliance and perhaps, just perhaps, opening up the CCO position for a more deserving candidate (himself).
The next day, 'Purr-fect Presents' held a grand promotional event at the local park. Mrs Higgins, unaware of Reza's nefarious plans, took him along in his carrier. Reza, however, had a secret weapon: a small, very squeaky toy mouse he'd hidden under his tummy. His mission: create chaos, free Tux, and claim credit for the heroic liberation!
When Mrs Higgins opened his carrier, Reza launched himself out like a fluffy, black-and-brown missile. He spotted Tux, looking even more terrified, surrounded by flashing cameras and humans trying to make him "cuddle." "Now!" Reza thought.
With a mighty SQUEAK!, he tossed the toy mouse directly under the Chief Cuddle Officer's velvet throne. SQUEAK-SQUEAK-SQUEAK!
Tux, startled by the sudden squeaking, let out a tiny, panicked "YIPE!" and, seeing an open gate, bolted! He was a black-and-white blur, zipping past startled humans and bewildered photographers. "He's escaping!" cried a human.
Reza, meanwhile, had begun a magnificent, dramatic chase of the toy mouse, making sure to knock over a display of personalised cat bowls and tangle himself in a banner that read "Boss: Our Purr-fect Leader!" CRASH! FLUMP! RIP!
Chaos! Glorious chaos! Mrs Higgins rushed over, shaking her head. "Reza Shadey! What have you done?!"
Reza, still tangled, gave a triumphant purr. "Mission accomplished! The reluctant celebrity is FREE! And the world now knows who the TRUE strategic genius is!"
Tux was never seen as "Boss" again. 'Purr-fect Presents' announced that their CCO had "retired early for creative pursuits".
Weeks later, on a sunny afternoon, Reza was lounging in his favourite sunbeam. He saw a flash of black and white by the garden fence. It was Tux, quietly enjoying a nap under a rose bush, looking utterly peaceful. Tux opened one eye, saw Reza and gave a tiny, almost imperceptible blink. It was a blink that said, "Thank you."
Reza, of course, pretended not to notice. He stretched, yawned and began to groom a paw with great dignity. "Another life saved by my superior intellect and strategic genius", he purred to himself. "It's quite amusing, really. I, Reza Shadey, the cat who craves all the attention, had to free a cat who wanted none of it, all to prove how much I deserved the job he hated. The universe, it seems, has a peculiar sense of humour."
Night night. Sleep tight.