Story 68: Reza Shadey and the Wind-Whirligig
One breezy afternoon, Reza Shadey, the world's most brilliant and spectacularly fluffy Persian cat, had a magnificent idea. It happened when he spotted a child's colourful spinning wheel forgotten on the lawn, whizzing merrily in the wind.
Whizz, whizz, whizz!
Then his emerald eyes fell upon an empty yoghurt pot.
"Goodness me!" he gasped, his chest puffing with entrepreneurial zeal. "A spinning thingy and a sturdy base. This is not a toy. This is the beginning of an empire!"
"I shall invent a windmill", he declared to a passing beetle, "a revolutionary device that will make me fabulously rich in tuna and salmon pâté!"
With a flick of his tail, he summoned his friends.
"Attention, minions!" he yowled. "Penelope! Ginger Tom! Tiger! Prepare to be amazed!"
They gathered as Reza presented his invention: the spinning wheel stuck firmly onto the yoghurt pot, now cunningly concealed inside a very important-looking cardboard box.
"Behold!" he proclaimed. "The Wind-Whirligig. It does not merely use wind; it leverages my proprietary science of 'Purr-o-dynamic Vortex Amplification' within a fully scalable snack-generation framework."
Tiger bounced on the spot. "What's that?"
Reza puffed out his chest. "It employs 'kinetic catnip acceleration' to make the wind purr, which increases rotational output efficiency. In simple terms, it can generate power from a kitten's sigh."
Tiger's eyes went wide. "Whoa."
To demonstrate, Reza slyly pressed a hidden button with one paw.
WHIRRRRRR!
A tiny battery-powered motor whirred into life, and the spinning wheel inside the box spun furiously.
His friends were amazed.
"Invest your tuna with me", Reza purred smoothly, "and soon we will enjoy self-cleaning litter trays and cat-food dispensers that never run out. Early investors will receive premium snack dividends."
Penelope offered her finest salmon. Ginger Tom handed over a whole tin of tuna. Tiger contributed three crunchy biscuits and a shiny bottle top.
Reza nodded, deeply satisfied. The funding round had been a complete success.
Soon the local cat newspaper, The Daily Meow, ran a glowing story. And before long, a very posh envelope arrived.
Reza slit it open with a single elegant claw.
An invitation.
To present the Wind-Whirligig at the Global Wind Power Conference for Sophisticated Mammals in London.
"Finally!" he declared. "A stage worthy of my genius."
The conference hall was enormous, filled with very serious animals in tiny spectacles. Professor Hoot the owl adjusted his glasses. Dr Sly the fox scribbled notes. Mr Badgerly the badger looked as though he had just eaten a particularly disappointing worm.
Reza strutted onto the stage with his Wind-Whirligig. It looked extremely impressive.
"Prepare for a revolution", he announced.
The hall was completely still.
Not a single puff of wind.
"No matter", he thought. "My operational model is fully wind-independent."
He launched into a long speech filled with complicated words, impressive pauses, and several completely unnecessary charts.
Then came the grand finale.
With great discretion, he pressed the button.
There was a hopeful little whirr.
Then —
BZZZT!
The tiny battery, which was only a very small one, gave a tired shudder.
Inside the box:
whizz... whizz...
...wobble...
...wobble...
...squeak.
The sound echoed gently around the silent hall.
The box gave a small, rather embarrassed rattle... as if it, too, had lost confidence.
And then —
Nothing.
The Wind-Whirligig stopped.
Professor Hoot adjusted his spectacles.
"A-hem. Mr Shadey, can you clarify the energy balance here? Where precisely does the 'amplification' occur?"
Reza felt a bead of sweat beneath his magnificent fluff.
"It's... the quantum fluff", he said quickly. "And the... purr-o-dynamics."
There was a pause.
Then an eagle-eyed engineer named Sharp-Eye leaned forward and pointed a wing.
"Excuse me", she said, "but I can hear a small motor, and I can clearly see a child's spinning wheel inside your 'vortex chamber'. Are you simply rotating a toy with a battery?"
The box gave one final, traitorous little click.
The game was up.
The audience gasped.
Mr Badgerly stood.
"It's a sham!" he grumbled. "A complete fraud!"
Reza Shadey, seeing his empire crumble in real time, did the only thing a cat of his genius could do.
He spotted a laser pointer on the floor, left behind by the previous presenter. A tiny red dot glowed nearby.
He gave it a flick.
The dot zipped across the stage.
"MRREEEOW!" he shrieked.
With a wild yowl, he launched after the dot — off the stage, through the fire exit, and straight out into the busy London streets, leaving chaos, confusion, and one very silent conference behind him.
Back home, The Daily Meow published a new headline:
"THE GREAT WIND-WHIRLIGIG WOBBLE!"
Penelope read it quietly.
Ginger Tom tipped his empty tuna tin upside down.
Not even a drip.
Tiger shook his biscuit bag.
Crumbs.
They all looked at one another.
"Mmm", said Ginger Tom.
As for Reza Shadey?
He returned that evening, looking extremely pleased with himself.
"The conference was a resounding success", he purred to a dandelion. "I successfully identified a critical flaw in their laser-pointer security infrastructure. My consultancy invoice is already in progress."
He curled his magnificent tail around his paws.
"Now", he murmured thoughtfully, "what shall I invent next?"
Night night. Sleep tight.