Story 88: Reza Shadey and the Innovation Drought
It was a warm afternoon in Catford, the kind of day where even the most ambitious butterfly decides to stay in bed.
Mrs Higgins was listening to BBC Radio 4 in the kitchen, sipping her tea and sighing at the news.
"Oh dear", she murmured to herself, repeating a phrase she had just heard. "There's no money in the innovation jar."
On the windowsill, Reza Shadey — self-appointed Director of Feline Innovation and Chief Snack Strategist — froze.
His ears, which had been idly monitoring the birds, swivelled like furry satellite dishes.
"No money? No innovation?" he thought, his magnificent tail giving an alarmed twitch. "This is a catastrophe of national importance! The creative future of this postcode is grinding to a halt!"
He leapt off the windowsill with a dignified thud, trotted through the kitchen, and hopped out of the cat flap onto the patio.
There, his friends were doing their best impressions of fluffy puddings. Penelope was curled into a perfect white circle, Ginger Tom was snoring gently, and Tiger was batting at a speck of dust with sleepy paws.
"Emergency meeting!"Reza bellowed, leaping onto the little patio table. "As Director of Feline Innovation, I hereby declare a localised Innovation Drought! The Ideas Bank is bankrupt! Innovation itself is under threat!"
Ginger Tom opened one eye.
"We have an Ideas Bank?" he mumbled.
"We do now",Reza said, striking a heroic pose. "But fear not! Tonight, we shall host a Pitch Night! Every participant must present their finest invention. The goal is to create ideas so brilliant, so revolutionary, that the whole garden will beg to invest their snacks with us!"
Tiger's ears perked up.
"Ooooh", he said. "Like inventing stuff? That sounds fun."
Penelope gave a small sigh, though her whiskers twitched with amusement.
"What exactly counts as an invention, Rezzi?" she asked.
"Anything visionary",Reza declared grandly. "Anything disruptive! Anything mildly dangerous but commercially promising!"
That evening, the garden was transformed.
Reza wore a satin bow tie he had "borrowed" from one of Mrs Higgins's drawers. Penelope, ever the pragmatist, distributed clipboards made of old leaves. Tiger provided snacks — mostly crushed cornflakes. Ginger Tom begrudgingly agreed to be the judge, a role which he decided mostly involved napping with one eye open.
"Welcome to Pitch Night",Reza announced grandly.
Penelope stepped forward first.
"I present: The Mood Collar", she said calmly. "It changes colour depending on how you feel — blue for calm, red for grumpy, and green for hungry."
Ginger Tom squinted.
"What if you're all three?" he asked.
"It flashes a bit",Penelope replied simply.
"Practical",Reza nodded. "Strong emotional branding."
Tiger bounced forward next, tail whizzing behind him.
"Okay, okay, my turn!" he said excitedly. "Behold... The Nap Accelerator! It's a cushion that plays a lullaby and helps you fall asleep super fast. Super cosy."
He demonstrated it on an old teddy bear.
A tiny spark flew.
ZAP!
The teddy bear's fluffy head flopped sideways at a rather alarming angle.
Everyone paused.
"Highly efficient",Reza admitted carefully, taking one cautious step backwards. "Possibly a safety concern... but a promising first draft."
Tiger beamed proudly.
"Still counts as a win", he said.
"And now",Reza announced dramatically, "the keynote innovation!"
He wheeled forward a peculiar contraption cobbled together from an old blender jug, a pair of roller skates, and a suspicious fishy smell.
"Behold!" he cried. "The Tuna-Powered Scooter! Fast! Efficient! Delicious! A transport solution and snack dispenser in one!"
He leapt aboard.
For one glorious second, Reza looked like the most important businessman in all of South London.
Then the scooter lurched sideways.
"Minor calibration issue!" he yelped.
CRASH!
He skidded directly into Mrs Higgins's prized begonias.
Flower petals flew through the air like confetti.
Finally, Ginger Tom stood up, gave himself a lazy stretch, and dragged forward a tartan blanket.
"This", he announced sleepily, "is The Anti-Meeting Blanket. You put it over your head, and nobody can ask you to do anything."
He demonstrated immediately.
Within seconds, he was snoring underneath it.
Reza nodded thoughtfully.
"Simple", he admitted. "Tragically lacking ambition... but undeniably effective."
Undeterred by the catastrophic prototypes, Reza declared the evening an overwhelming success.
At the far corner of the garden, fairy lights twinkled softly between the flowerpots. On a little pedestal, he placed an empty jam jar with a handwritten label:
"THE INNOVATION JAR"
"Friends, felines, and local wildlife",Reza announced to a small audience of curious squirrels and pigeons. "Our Ideas Bank is not powered by boring money. It runs on imagination! We are seeking seed funding! Deposit your finest acorns and crumbs, and together we shall build the future!"
One squirrel tilted his head.
"Did he say seeds?" he whispered excitedly to another squirrel.
The other squirrel gasped.
"This sounds important."
Just as a particularly hopeful squirrel stepped forward clutching an acorn, a silky voice drifted across the garden.
"Oh, darling", it purred. "You call this innovation?"
Heads turned.
Perched elegantly atop the fence sat Shah Fluffybutt, regal as ever, his immaculate fur glowing softly in the evening light.
He surveyed the squashed begonias, the sparking teddy bear, and the snoring blanket with enormous disapproval.
"Reza, my dear chap",Shah sighed. "I trust your inventions have improved since your unfortunate appearance on 'The Lion's Lair'?"
Reza's tail stiffened.
A tense silence fell.
The two magnificent Persians glared at one another.
It was the beginning of a classic suburban cat stand-off.
"Ah, Shah Fluffybutt",Reza said smoothly. "Your arrival reminds us all what not to do — namely, becoming so fancy that one starts to resemble an expensive cushion."
The squirrels giggled.
Shah's fur bristled.
"My inventions are flawless", the Shah sniffed. "They do not explode."
"Where is the fun in flawless?"Reza replied, turning grandly to his audience. "True innovation is chaotic! It is exciting! It occasionally lands in flowerbeds! Only a true visionary appreciates the genius of a scooter that doubles as a fish buffet!"
The crowd murmured approvingly.
A pigeon waddled forward and dropped a shiny bottle top into the jar.
Clink!
The squirrel proudly added his acorn.
The Innovation Drought was officially over.
A short while later, Mrs Higgins stepped into the garden and stopped.
Her flowerbeds looked suspiciously flattened.
A teddy bear appeared mildly electrocuted.
There was a jam jar full of acorns.
And sitting proudly beside it all was Reza Shadey in a tiny satin bow tie.
Mrs Higgins sighed fondly and scratched behind his ears.
"Oh, Reza, you silly sausage", she said warmly. "Have you been 'playing business' again? Well, I suppose imagination is worth more than money."
Reza puffed out his chest.
Correct.
The venture had clearly succeeded.
Of course, Reza never changed.
His future inventions still exploded occasionally. He crashed no fewer than five upgraded scooters into the begonias, each time describing the event as a "highly successful testing exercise".
He appointed himself Chief Visionary Officer of Catford and printed business cards on old cheese wrappers.
But in the world of Reza Shadey, imagination was the only currency that truly mattered...
...and chaos came free with every brilliant idea.
A little note from Mrs Higgins: Kitchen gadgets are for grown-ups, sweethearts. Best leave blenders alone — and definitely don't put roller skates on anything important.
Night night. Sleep tight.